New Friends

I made a new friend on Long Island last night. Solid dude that was kind of outcasting on the fringes at the show. I haven’t been blogging because I started seeing it as this overly intense/overly wordy thing that serves no higher purpose than for me to wax philosophical and talk about myself(which is basically true) , but this dude I met last night really made me rethink that. I walked up to him because I realized he wasn’t with anyone and he was singing every word during our set but hadn’t came up to talk or anything. I assumed he was like me and just gets a bit shy. So we chatted a little bit but were cut off by my other friend who was pretty drunk and talkative. I was glad that later on after the show ended my new friend came up was like “hey you got a minute I have some personal questions about your blog”. Anyone that knows me knows i really love having intense conversations about real things so my ears immediately perked up and we ran out back to smoke cigs and talk. He asked me personal questions and requested elaborations on some specifics with my blog and my personal posting. It came up that he too had struggled with many similar things and that he was a musician and seeking comfort with playing music again and change and stuff. I presumed that he was getting clean or recently got clean too so it was really personal and cool, but he also raised questions where I really had to think and be like “yeah i might seem like I’m good at that but it took work”. People that know me now think I’m some sort of natural social butterfly, but I’m really not. My natural state and most comfortable state is complete isolation and anti-social. My natural inclination is to disqualify other humans from being worthy of my time and to disqualify myself from joy and connection. I have no clue why I’m like that but it’s fine and i don’t act on it anymore and it doesn’t hold me back from saying hey to a stranger anymore or staring at people like I’m sizing them up anymore. And I’m not uncomfortable on stage and writing music and being vulnerable with a large group of people because I’ve consistently done it since I was 13 years old. Time takes time in life and comfort comes in seasons in different areas of my life. My current vibe is just flowing and accepting the connection and viewing a quiet stranger as an opportunity to practice social skills. So life’s good